Rick Raw: Dummy Whisperer–Exposing the Dummy in All of Us

By Rick Grant Commentary rickgrant01@comcast.net www.rickatnight.com

In the course of my life, I discovered a hidden talent–exposing the dummy in everyone, including myself. Unlike those books such as Mathematics for Dummies, I don’t need a book to know a dummy when I see one.

To wit: I knew the woman at the DMV was a dummy when I was the last person in line, and I finally advanced to her window and she said, "It’s time for my break," and left. So I had to get in the back of another line. I sensed that she would do that because I am the Dummy Whisperer.

Unlike the Ghost Whisperer, I operate in the real world, not that twaddle on TV. In contrast, like the Dog Whisperer’s, Cesar Millan, I understand the psychology of dummies. Why? Because I am one.

While driving, I know when the person in front of me will do something dumb. I detect their body language which is picked up through their car. I anticipate when that person will not use their turn signal and just suddenly turn. In other words, I read dummy radar.

Women are reckless drivers. I watch them like a hawk. One never knows what peaks or valleys their biological cycle is registering. Mostly, women are always pissed off about something–their husband, boyfriend, or kids, and they drive with angry radar. I pick up that signal, and avoid them if at all possible. Women need anger management before they get behind the wheel. They whip their minivans around like race cars. Good God, it’s the crazy bitches tear-assing through the streets–stay out of their way.

Once I was shopping at the Regency Square Mall and I went into J.C. Penny’s. While inside the store, I got disorientated and when I left out the entrance and into the parking lot, I couldn’t find my car. So I assumed it had been stolen. I called the police who showed up. They were dumbfounded.

Then I looked around and suddenly realized I was in the parking lot on the opposite side of the mall to where I parked my car. At that moment, I felt like the dumbest person in the world. The cops thought I was suffering from Alzheimer’s and patronized me like a person whose mind had gone.

Dummies are everywhere. While walking on the sidewalk and I pass a gaggle of young people, I know they will not yield to me, so I’m forced to go over on the grass. It’s a blatant expression of ageism and or youthful arrogance.

Yielding would require them to show a modicum of respect to their elders. Today’s youth think older people show die or disappear. Of course, before they know it, they will be old and facing the same prejudices from their generation of young people.

Dumbness is in all of us as we go about our daily routine. In the workplace, dumbness reigns supreme. People have a hard time concentrating on the job, because they are thinking about trivial matters. Every day, many hours of production is lost by employees who are thinking about everything but their jobs.

Now that companies have laid off thousands of workers, the ones that are left have to work much harder. But, then one has to factor in their dumbness and lack of interest in what they are doing, and production goes down exponentially.

Employees who are left to pick up the slack, are justifiably resentful and don’t feel like giving 100% because they could be laid off any minute. So, the companies get what they deserve. Therefore, the management is dummer than the employees.

Yes, it’s a great big dumb world full of dummies. And I am the Dummy Whisperer. I root out the dummies and expose their dumbness. And, I revel in my own dumbness. Then it’s a question of degree–who is dumber than thou.