Rick Raw: Santa’s Going Down

By Rick Grant rickgrant01@comcast.net www.rickatnight.com

Dear Bulbous One a.k.a. Santa:

Stay out of my airspace big guy. You’re nothing but an advertising brand like Coke, conjured up by marketers to force parents to give their children loads of stuff they don’t need, so Mom and Dad won’t feel guilty that they are not doing the best for their ungrateful brats. Then the little schemers grow up and ask for Power of Attorney when Mom and Dad reach old age.

Yes, every year you represent the out-of-control spending mind-set that is subliminally injected into the brains of the masses who go temporarily insane when they hear the first few bars of "Silent Night." They rush to the malls with that crazed Christmas gleam in their eyes, hell bent for discounts and maxing out their plastic. Ho, ho, ho let the good times roll.

Let’s face it Santa, there is no way you could travel around he world and give everyone presents unless this preposterous idea was implanted in the minds of naive tykes who are at a point in their lives when they actually believe their parents’ avalanche of lies. Later, of course, they realize Mom and Dad have lied about other more important things than the existence of Santa. In fact, for years kids will never believe any utterance out of your parents mouths because of the "Santa Lie" This will lead to teenage rebellion and adolescents will get tattoos, drink alcohol, smoke pot, dress funny, and curse like sailors just to piss-off their parents.

It’s all your fault Santa. It all starts with the "Santa Lie" and burgeons into a full scale youthful rebellion. It’s time to terminate Santa with extreme prejudice. No more Fat Bastard wearing that stupid red suit. The Organization to Eliminate Santa (TOTES) of which I’m President has taken out a contract hit on the Big Red One. Santa, your days are numbered.